South Africa : Shelter gives hope to victims of gender based violence

Thanks to the Ikhaya Lethemba (Home of Hope) Centre, Sheila Nxumalo, 43, and her four children are now in a safe place and can finally put the four years of abuse they endured behind them, writes Gabi Khumalo.

Ms Nxumalo is among the 141 abused women housed at the Ikhaya Lethemba shelter in Braamfontein with their dependent children.

The centre, which offers residential facilities for abused women and children in need, provides holistic and integrated services for survivors of violence.

Like most women, Ms Nxumalo was reluctant to leave her husband because of her children and had no place to go to as she didn't earn much as a domestic worker.

She said she never saw the signs of abuse in her husband, who was a sweet, loving and carrying person - until four years ago.

"He started beating me for no good reason for example, when I questioned him about his whereabouts. Things became worse when his sister moved in with us as she was a bad influence and always reminded him that my first two kids were not his.

"He stopped eating the food I cooked but ate when his sister cooked. When I brought the matter to my in-laws, he would then apologise, but the beatings continued as soon as they left the house," Ms Nxumalo told BuaNews.

She said the situation had affected the children as they would avoid coming home to an abusive environment. Ms Nxumalo's daughter was almost killed in a car accident after attending a friend's party without their knowledge.

Her daughter was almost unable to write her Grade 12 exams after being hospitalised for a month.

"My husband was not sympathetic and told my daughter she would be nothing - just like me."

At the same time Ms Nxumalo was receiving reports from school about her son's bad behaviour. The school was threatening to expel him and his marks had dropped.

Her friend referred her to a social worker and she ended up at Ikhaya Lethemba centre, which Ms Mxumalo said saved her.

Since arriving at the shelter, she is at peace and through the centre's support she has managed to divorce her husband as well as get maintenance for her two children.

"I was always crying before, but now the only tears I'm shedding are tears of joy. My kids are very happy and when I leave the shelter, I will be a strong person armed with survival skills.

"I'll never go back to him no matter how much he begs me, I know he will never change," an optimistic Ms Nxumalo told BuaNews.

Another victim at the shelter, Jackie Smith, 35, who arrived at the centre in January told BuaNews that although the beatings started before she and her husband were married, she had hoped that things would change. It was soon after her wedding that she realised that day would never come.

When Ms Smith, who has six children, first came to the centre she was not ready to let go of her husband and not sure whether she wanted a divorce.

However, after spending almost a year at the centre, she now feels that she is strong enough to leave him. Ms Smith will be leaving the shelter soon.

"Counselling is very important, it helped me build my self esteem and healed me, by the time victims leave this place, they are prepared to face the world," said Ms Smith, who urged women who were married to abusive partners to report the abuse.

"Don't be like us and wait until it's too late. We kept hoping even in a hopeless situation, but the more you stay with them, you have a greater chance of losing your life."

She said one had to be conscious of the affects on the children. "The trauma stays with them until they grow up and affects their relationships as well."

Ikhaya Lethemba has been operating since 2003 but officially opened by Provincial Community Safety Department in 2006 to offer shelter for abused women and children.

Their services include counselling, legal advice, medical services, forensic evidence collection, policing and evidence collection, prosecutorial services and skills training.

Ikhaya Lethemba Residential Service Programme Manager, Conny Ramathibela said the opening of the shelter was influenced by policy development implementation and integrated quality service assurance from the Victim Charter.

The Victims Charter, which was launched during last year's 16 Days of Activism for No Violence Against Women campaign, aims to educate victims about their rights and ensure they demand the correct handling when reporting abuse.

The centre receives victims through referrals from the South African Police Service (SAPS), via Victim Empowerment Centres at police stations and social workers.

"The SAPS Family Violence Unit track cases and liaise with investigating officers. Nicro handles intake services, the teddy bear clinic renderes group therapy for kids and B Court Wise assists in providing support and preparing children for court appearances," Ms Ramathibela explained to BuaNews.

There is also a creche where women leave their children when attending court cases.

The shelter also offers life skills and victims can complete a three-week training in either nail therapy, computers, child minding, catering or laundry.

Some of the women are able to get employment through the centre's service providers after completing the course and receiving certificates.

Ms Ramathibela said although the maximum stay is six months, if they realise that the victim is not ready to leave, they are able to extend the time to nine months.

The opening of the facility was made possible by various organisations including Eskom which donated a building and Vodacom Foundation's R1.6 million for furniture and much needed resources. Other government departments offering assistance include Social Development, NPA, Health, Education and Community Safety.

Trauma Counsellor, Zeenith Domingo said out of 20 women who are victims of gender based violence, only four receive counselling since it is not compulsory.

"It is difficult to open up to a stranger or maybe they don't think it will work," Ms Domingo told BuaNews emphasising that it was important for children to get counselling and deal with the trauma.

"If they don't deal with it and get counselling, they block it up and it all comes back when they are older and history repeats itself," Ms Domingo warned.

The 16 Days of Activism campaign will end at an event in Queentown on Wednesday, where the President is expected to address community members. - BuaNews

Feature: More reporting recorded during campaign

Many women find the courage to break the silence around their abuse and speak out stemming from the encouragement to do so during the 16 Days of Activism campaign, writes Gabi Khumalo.

LifeLine Southern Africa Projects Development Manager Milo Zama notes that every year the organisation is forced to extend its business hours and put in overtime on weekends during the campaign.

The 16 Days of Activism will end at an event in Queentown on Wednesday, where the President is expected to address community members.

Ms Zama says LifeLine provides on a daily basis information on gender-based violence and legal advice as well as counselling to couples who are going through divorce to an average of 450 callers.

However, during the campaign which aims to halt all forms of violence against women and children, the demand on Lifeline increases with the number of calls from people on the receiving end of abuse increasing.

Their toll free line usually operates Mondays to Fridays from 9am with 13 counsellors responsible for managing the telephone lines.

Explaining the work of Lifeline counsellors, Ms Zama said they looked at the kind of the problem and assistance they could provide before referring the caller to a specific place where they can be assisted.

"People who call are about 50 percent women aged between 20 and 39 and 40 percent men, the service we provide is on all languages but due to a small amount of counsellors, the most used languages are isiZulu, Sesotho, Tshwana and isiXhosa," Ms Zama told BuaNews.

She said most of the calls received were from callers suffering from emotional, financial and physical abuse as well as children who are dealing with abusive parents.

"Most victims are unmarried but living with their partners, only 20 percent of them are married," she said.

Ms Zama said an unfortunate aspect of the job was that it was difficult to follow up on a victim's progress and if they were coping because counsellors referred callers to other organisations or centres where they could be assisted.

"This leaves counsellors with a void as they can't say whether they made a difference to the victims.

"Some do call back and give us feed back though, especially when they didn't get help from the places we referred them to, others call back to thank us for helping them and say their situation has improved since calling to talk to us."

Ms Zama said it was important for women to speak out and seek help as soon as they felt something was not right in the relationship, adding that some women only did something after 10 to 20 years in an abusive relationship.

"They have a right to be in this world and enjoy life, they don't have to tolerate any form of abuse. They need to know there are organisations out there that are willing to support them lead a fulfilling life as close as a telephone.

"They just need to pick up that phone and dial the free number," she said.

LifeLine counsellor, Thilivhali Livhadi said applying for protection orders and opening cases against the perpetrator of abuse was usually the last resort when counselling victims.

"It depends on the type of the abuse," she explained, saying that if the situation was not tense they would first asses the family set up.

"We look at communication between the two parties. If there is no communication, we expose them to other areas of communications such as bringing in their parents to talk to them or involving the church. If the church doesn't work either, we involve social workers from Social Development Department."

The last resort would be to gain a protection order or open a case with the police, Mr Livhadi told BuaNews.

He emphasised that it was important to involve community structures when couples sought help, especially for those living in rural areas where services like telephones, hospitals and police stations are not easily accessible.

The Community Policing Forum, Ward Committees and community members can play a vital role in raising awareness regarding abuse and alerting the police if they are aware of abuse happening in the house.

"Sometimes you will find that a person gets injured but has no money to get to a hospitalthese structures can help by calling the ambulance and help the victim to open a case," Mr Livhadi.

Lifeline also receives calls from concerned neighbours, friends and work colleagues or a friend calling on behalf of a victim because they feel embarrassed to speak out and seek professional help.

He said abuse was very common in South Africa and that almost everyone has been in an abusive situation at some point, with abusers often unaware of the hurt they are causing.

"When we speak to them, you find out that the person was not aware that he is abusing her partner, anything that is done to you and you don't feel good about may be abuse," he told BuaNews.

He encouraged the victims to speak out and consult and never feel that they are isolated.

Victims of abuse or anyone who needs counselling can call LifeLine toll free on 0800 150 150. - BuaNews